Ten months ago in September, my family experienced the call. Knowing our hearts had been prepared for something huge, the soil was ready and with very little hesitation, we said yes. God called my family to relocate very specifically 1,472 miles away from “home” to central Texas. My husband and I walked away from 38 years combined at our jobs, a house we worked hard for and loved, family being right around the corner, friends that are irreplaceable, our church family, our favorite Mexican restaurant and coffee shop. We said YES to God and He blessed our obedience in ways this blog post doesn’t have space for. In a nutshell, He paved the way with a job, our heaven sent real-estate agent, our home, and most excitedly a church.
With this whole transition, I expected the excitement, I expected the angst, the emotions, the exhaustion etc.. but there were things I did not expect. I did not expect to loose my ((cool)) and snap at my lifelong best friend while she slaved away at helping me unpack, I did not expect the TITLE WAVE of tears that came that night while I must have cried in my husbands arms for over an hour. I’m talking face swelling, mucus everywhere, soaking wet shirt (his shirt) crying…
Something about that cry felt very relieving so I choose to focus on the positives; the green pastures I can see for miles from my bedroom windows, standing in the kitchen of my dreams, the smell of my lavender scented hand soap, hearing our boys laughing in the game room, watching my husband do what he does, while thanking God for him, sitting in church listening to my pastor confirm every single thing God has spoken into my heart for years, sipping on my new dirty chai addiction etc.
So with everything being so good, why the sleepless nights, the ugly tears and snapping at best friends? I mean, God has been faithful, He has done and is doing more than I ever expected or could have imagined..
Today it hit me. I am dealing with a serious case of VULNERABILITY. I looked this annoying word up today and its defined as being susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. While reading that I sort of wrinkled my face as if to say; what the heck?; that doesn’t make any sense. Then I continued to read below and it read, “people often AVOID being vulnerable because of a fear of being judged, hurt or failing”
BINGO!!! Sound the music 🎶 people! This is exactly my issue.
God has brought out family into what feels like a dream, so (A) I need to find out what heart issue is keeping me from fully accepting this as my reality. (B) I was saved at our first church and there was so much security because people knew me and knew my story; I need to trust God that He wouldn’t send me to a place where I am going to be judged or hurt. (C) For years the Lord has trusted me with stewarding the hearts of others while teaching a group of ladies the Song of Songs at my house for years, meanwhile He would tell me that He had more for me; I need to accept that I am in the MORE season He will not leave me in the dark.
The other day the Lord gave me this scripture “For you shall go out in JOY and be led forth in PEACE.” Isaiah 55:12
I don’t know much, but what I do know is that GOD ALWAYS HAS MORE for us. If you feel stuck its simply because God is asking you to take another step with Him.
One of my spiritual mothers once told me, “to make friends, you have to make yourself friendly”. #BESTADVICEEVER I ❤️ you mama Kathy.
Here goes nothing.. 🤞